What the shit? I mean honestly, what the ever-loving shit? I’m going to throw a word out there and see how hard it stick: reliability. Does that strike any of you as an odd character trait that would make me go crazy for a girl? Well then you haven’t thought hard enough. Let me demonstrate to you the greatest, most wonderful unicorn orgy of a scenario:
Interaction between Guy 1, Bob, and Girl 1, Sarah
Call 1 from B to S: “Hey Sarah, it’s Bob, just wanted to call and say hi, you’re hard to get ahold of. Maybe you’re slippery. Ha…ha, um, anyways. Oh, um call me back, you know, whenever you can. Cool? Ok, ….ok bye.”
4-5 hours elapse
Text from B to S: Hey, haven’t heard from you, just letting you know me and some friends may go see a movie tonight. If you’re down get back to me.
1 day elapses
Call from B to S: “What’s goin’ on, it’s Bob. So hey, it’s hard to get you on the phone, what am I a debt collector? Because you owe me a call! ….I’m kidding, but yeah, hit me up whenever, talk to you soon.”
2 days elapse
Call from S to B:
B”Hello?”
S”Heyyyyy, what’s up?”
B”Not much, you know, just hanging out. I thought you were dead.”
S”Oh, no sorry about that. I’ve just been really busy past couple of days and I’m so stressed out with work and with all these things on my plate.”
B”Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem. So what’s new?”
S”Well lately I’ve just been…..oh wait, I’m getting an important beep. One second”
10 minutes elapse. Bob, with some self respect intact, hangs up.
What would you say about this interaction? You could infer tons of things, like Bob is a loser, or that Sarah isn’t worth his time, among others. I’ll tell you one thing, Bob did nothing considered too forward, did nothing that would be deemed as inappropriate, yet Bob is getting shafted harder than he should. Much harder. Assholes like Sarah should carry bottles of lube around with them just to hand to nice guys now and again with a “You’ll need this in a couple of days” because the amount of bullshit “Sarah”s push up guys’ asses is astronomical and can only be numerated with scientific notation. If I had a nickel for every crap excuse a girl gives as to why they ignored/didn’t bother with calls I’d have 5 x 10 to the 11th power in nickels.
This is the reason why Sarah is so bloated with crap. What the balls have you been doing for 2 and 1/2 days that makes it impossible to call someone back or not answer?! I’ll tell you what, absolutely nothing. If you are the president, fine. If you are Jack Bauer, even then you only have a 24 hour window of excuse. But you’re neither, Sarah. You drive places, which are ample windows. You have that ‘grace’ period before going to bed all people have to make calls. Lesson? If anyone ever says “I was really busy” tell them to fuck an electrical socket until they smell burning because they are lying to you like you’re an asshole.
Reliability. I will tell you something amazing. A girl that would normally get a 6 in the 1-10 scale of attention will be easily bumped to an 8 via reliability. You call, they call back. You make plans, they make good on them. You text, they text back. The security/comfort of that relationship makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
And I know there are many circumstances, like maybe Sarah thinks Bob is all about her shit, but guess what, Sarah, a guy can just call, not everyone’s trying to get into your Bebe jeans.
If you read this and realize that you are Sarah, then either fix your habits or change your surname to “Douchaliath” so that you can be avoided by future Bobs.
P.S. This doesn’t reflect any personal scenario as of late, all characters are fictional. Just something I was mulling over
P.P.S. Anyone who comments on this is contractually obligated to answer any call I make to them. Which will be a lot. A lot.
